10.20.2006
the haze is jus getting 'better' day by day, and while i was walking home there was a kind bastard who burn alot of weird stuff on the grass patch contributing to the haze.....
today the new PW ST scare the hell shit out of my family, cos she told them i was missing . I forgot my hp ma, so nobody contacted me....den bro went to the mrt to wait for me and sis n mum n dad worried for me, thinking tt i would go suicide over my social problems. When i reached home i realised wat had happened , bro came bac later only to scold me saying i take evrything for granted and keep shouting at me...i was rlly bu gan yuan , i was telling myself u dun even understand wat i m gg through now and all u noe hw to do is to shout at me n keep repeating to me tt i take evrything for granted!!!!....haiz i cannt blame him as well i ,made him worry oso.....
well, today taught me a valuable lesson. That is to nvr expect anything frm others, cos it will only hurt u...i dun blame anyone though i understand tt i am nt a person worth for their concern, but i had hope!In the end, it was just the same lk before, no matter hw i thought things would go better aft i said how i feel, IT WOULD NV B BETTER! Another thing i learnt is, nv use the 2 words which is 'i thought' cause it would raise ur expections on something esle but only to make u fall even harder....
i rlly want to give up n run away, but i keep telling myself nt to give up on myself.....evry thing tt happens before me jus makes me so tempted to let go n run away! but somehow i dunno wer i find the strength to carry on....my family loves me but i dun want to be dependent on them ..i dun wan to rely on them.......i keep asking myself evryday, y am i still staying here? and why can't i move on when evrybody has alrdy moved on....
when i die , i noe i will be rmbered....
does it occur to their minds even once abt hw i feel?
it is a thing i will nv forget...
18:32
; where did I go wrong?.