11.23.2010
GO FUCK URSELF KIM GO FUCKING DIE!!!
cb u jus love playing ur cold wars!!!!! fuck break up i noe u dun wanna be the bad guy !! i fucking know it u bitch!!!! u cb slut go fantasize abt ur fav guys!!!!!! go back m'sia u fucking bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!
20:14
; where did I go wrong?.
11.22.2010
ASH STYMEST....srsly, u r so infatuated with the guy like u keep posting motherfucking pics of him.......
Feel so sad tt its tuned in ur brain i try to give solutions whenever u say ur probs until when i am trying to jus plainly comfort u, u think i m trying to force my opinion on u......and i dun und y must u be so cold to me?? shouldnt u be happy that i am here trying to protect u, but i sensed that u do not feel any sense of relief its like u can do without me and so many insecurities yet u are forcing me not to ask u every single time......its either u give me a unclear ans or u say i am thinking too much and say a few sweet things and let it be.........yeah things are diff and u care less abt our r/s.....and its kinda clear tt slowly u r jus nt used to living life w/o me ur so called love is jus reliance u dun wanna rock tt balance........
In actual fact u dun love me anymore.......
u used to not look at guys or like search for pics online....and it doesnt help tt my looks are jus getting worse, its as if i am nt good enuff for u anymore and the more u r exposed to ur social circle the more you wanna b free frm me.....and i guess i am angry all the time bcos its so true and its coming and i can do nth to stop it, very soon u will realise that u dun need me and freedom is wat u rlly want at this stage of ur life. Eventually this flickering flame would jus die out in a blink of an eye w/o both of us knowing.......its painful and depressing that i no longer feel like u love me, the things i say dun make u laugh, the stuff i do u dun find them cute anymore, the jokes i say they are just normal and the time spend with me its just bcos...........u r used to
and i dun wanna b something u are used to, there is no love no love at all frm u......nth but an illusion made from the desire to go back to the past....and everything aint like in the past, now wateva i do i can't impress u! i aint ur cool tattoo-ed studded guy with long hair and good complexion and charming eyes who smokes and does cool things like dj-ing or wateva u fucking nafa-ians think is cool......its alwas hw cool is he? omg she is so cool with her lifestyle choices, she is so rich she is so cool with her kinda frens and the stuff she does.....but even though i am called ur bf in name, i am just the boy by ur side and nothing more, i feel like eevrything else is somewhat fake and difficult to grasp......u would nvr tell me hw cool the things i do mayb my life aint fucking artistic and exciting enuff for u! u have chged or isit truly who u are the superficial gal i see now so desperate for an exciting social circle and all the 'fun' stuff young druggies do while wasting their lives away.............n u dare call me superficial when all along the things u described me with ur jus worst then it!All i ever hear from u is the realisation of how mismatch we are, those words sting and they would nvr disappear, why why.....why.......
u say u can't tell me things, and ur repeated reminders made me think how silly i was to show you wat was underneath me, my emotions. They disgust u dun they? I understand how u dun feel like opening up to me, bcos i dun feel like telling anything AT ALL i dun wanna be beaten down by u ever again with ur perception of a 'real' man...........ur rite i cant be the man who endures ur every shit.....its impossible , sometimes u may not realise it but these things they hurt deeper then they seem to be.
right now as i am writing these i realised how silly i was to assumed u care, and all i can think of is leaving, wat a tragedy.......and i blame myself for foolishly thinking a boy like me would suit a gal like u and we would grow to und each other, the truth is we would never grow if we stick tgt. And tts y when u start growing, u see things abt me u didnt used to and it breaks my heart entirely to watch u start to be disgusted by my actions, and struggle more and more freedom and start to hate and despise everything i do tt doesnt suit ur expectations. And so now with all the power in ur hand, i hope u crush me to death so i do not need to rise again from the glimmer of hope tt alwas sips thru because tt glimmer is jus my imagination.............all i can think of now is how u look down on me tt i am not man enuff for u when i say all the things tt i feel inside so fuck u, fuck u truly if for this second if u think tt way.......
i hope u see all these, i really do cos deep down i hope u cared and feel a sting when u noe hw i feel but then again when u noe all this would u rlly feel the sting or do u jus feel sympathy for a guy u do not think is manly enuff for u .......if so quietly let me go bcos i dun wanna be ur pillar plainly for support or wateva use tt u may think of.....fuck off
23:34
; where did I go wrong?.
11.11.2010
i noe u will see this and i hope u do, and i really hate it...........feel like u taking me for granted
All i want is support and concern from u when i am in a down and stressed period, guess its just not in us this kinda couple.........u would go away for a few hours and dunno do wat with ur frens and reply me those nonchalant msg
tt is y i am alwas angry when u r with ur frens, u would give me all the attention in the world when u r not with them and when u r with them, i would have to fight for ur attention and u would think i am being wilful......cant bliv i was angry and u noe it but u were eager to go back to the game....
i cant stand your fucking attitude, its like i feel as though u can do w/o me....go to hell
22:34
; where did I go wrong?.
11.02.2010
it has been so long, and if i didnt not feel like dying i wouldnt come here.....
I am so lost and confused, i am rlly depressed till a stage every small thing just goes in a downward spiral.......no money, no looks, no friends, no results and no happiness...did i rlly brought all these upon myself? Am i rlly too greedy? I just wanted a fucking acne free face but its nvr ever gonna happen tot roaccutane helped but it came back and as bad as it used to be, the med alr made my skin looked old if i m gonna take it another time wat will i become????
Dunno wat i want in life....the truth is my life is over, if i had knew i would be enjoying my studies and start afresh instead of like jus passing everday like it is and having a gf which doesnt rlly gives me true happiness, or i cant find happiness within myself, our r/s is jus fucked up so fucked up............der is no sweetness ever and all i can do is jus slip into darkness
17:33
; where did I go wrong?.