10.14.2006
today was our open hse din realised it until ms leong called me to go to sch for pw, so i went....our sch de open hse no business wan...300 ppl came oni, when i went there it was lk deserted ......but there were pretty gals:P den tok abt pw with ms leong for a short while i told her i felt lk leaving evrything behind, den she lk told me if want go uni staying in jc is better...so for a short few hours i rlly felt positive of retaining....cos if i go poly i m sure i will be influenced to go on a path of self destruct....surely!
den as i was on my way home, saw a mum with two kids there were so happy , the bond between them was so close then reminded me when i was young hw close i was with my mum until i grew up n she expected me to help in evrything!!!!now my holidays i have to go up to help her in her catering business...she treats me lk a spare worker lo, den jus bribes me with things tt i like...the only thing she says when she comes home is why i nv do the chores? its lk fucked up shit la!!!mum rlly unreasonable these days
den in came the lucky guy who has a galfren, the guy is lk abit plump n....i nt gg to emphasize further, but he has a decent looking galfren. I am nt saying he doesnt deserve a galfren, but is lk haiz why he has a galfren le, n i dun have=_= i oso want one, not bcos others have one, but to have her as sumone who i can spend time with alone....grr well nth is fair in this work unless ur the luckiest person on earth.....
it seems in life evry decision i have made for myself is a wrong one....mayb i am nt supposed to be here....god mus have a purpose is wat all my christian frens tell me, seriously if he had one for me, he should have shown me by now. Even if god is present he can't possibly listen to evryone's wishes he is busy too....but for once i hope he listens to me, GOD pls for once let things go my way???anyway i rlly dun understand people, like how blind they can be to jus follow others ....
well i learn to adapt to these, felt so numb in sch these days...my heart was lk empty, i din have any emotions towards wateva things in school other then pretty gals:P jking i was afraid i had some psychological probs so i asked sis abt it cos she studied abt pschology in uni wat....she said it was bcos i learn to heck care all these things liao which is in a way good.....but i am afraid i bcom autistic how? later i bcom someone whom i am actually not....haha lets walk a step,count a step
20:10
; where did I go wrong?.